This week's blog is a little bit different for me, probably because it's not going to be about something silly I've done, somewhere I've been or losing weight, but it is something that's been on mind and something I've spoken a lot about to my friends just recently and that's the Safety Tax.
Don't worry, this is not something else that we're about to get hit with in the October budget, well I say that, don't hold me to that, the Government doesn't tend to consult me on it's important decisions.
But it is something that women have been paying for years. Actually I don't think it only applies to women, I think that members of the LGBTQIA+ community have also been clobbered by it for years too.
Let me explain what I mean by safety tax. The Safety Tax is not always monetary, but it's a phrase that refers to the extra amount of time that goes into planning a night out, making sure that you have accounted for all eventualities and that you have enough money to cover them.
You have a plan as to how you're going to get there, where you're going to park, how you're getting home and if you have to walk, you've planned the safest route where there'll be the most people around.
A male friend of mine, once said that women were paranoid, because not all men were out to get them and that if they just calmed down and thought about it, they'd stop seeing danger everywhere.
I tried to explain that it has nothing to do with paranoia or living in a constant state of fear, but it's to do with being sensible and practical, in the same way I wouldn't get into a swimming pool full of sharks because "they're just big fish with teeth", I'm not going to take a risk with my general safety.
I think for most women it's second nature to take into account ways of staying safe, just as I imagine members of the LGBTQIA+ also do a little recce before going somewhere.
If ever I'm going somewhere, I automatically make a little plan.
How am I getting there?
Where am I meeting people?
How am I getting home?
Do I need money for a taxi?
If I'm getting a taxi, am I sharing it with someone or do I need to arrange to speak to my sister on the way home?
My sister and Lucy and I have always made sure that if one of us has been on a night out without the other, then if we're making our own way home, the other will be awake so that we can chat on the phone until the other is safely home, or best case scenario go and pick them up, I've lost count of the amount of times I've headed out in my PJ's and a hoodie to pick her up, hoping that it looks like I'm wearing a "quirky outfit" and haven't just gone out in my PJ's.
If I'm driving somewhere, I automatically pick a car park that I know will be well lit and that is closest to wherever I'm going. Double points for me if I can park directly under a light and / or near a security camera. If I've arranged to meet a group of friends at a restaurant, I'll pick somewhere that has its own carpark.
Some women will choose a longer route to walk home because it's better lit and there's likely to be more people around. There's now an organisation called Strut Safe, which is a volunteer run phone line that people can phone as they walk home and chat to someone until they arrive safely. Although it's based in Scotland, anyone in the UK can phone it.
Some people feel safer having their keys in their hand as they walk home, or might have an alarm in their bag which is easily accessible.
I know I'm lucky because if I've gone on a night out with friends and we've arranged to come home together, then that's what happens. There's no fear of being ditched by someone and suddenly having to make your own way home.
Most women you speak to will have had an incident that's happened to them, where they've found themselves in some sort of potential danger.
In a random conversation I had the other day, it turned out that a few of us had all had incidents of being flashed by a man. For me and Lucy it happened after I'd goine to pick her up from work, I was early 20's, she was late teens. As we walked back to the car, we had to pass by a group of teenage boys, one of them dropped his trousers, waggled about his tiny pube-free willy and said, "suck on this". Lucy pushed him out of the way with her lunchbox and I said, "not a chance".
We both walked off and left him pulling up his trousers as his mates laughed. When we reached the car, we thought we should probably tell the police just in case he decided to do it to someone else. The police were great and despite a ride round looking for him, he'd disappeared. A couple of days later, they took our statements. It's quite something to have to explain how someone's penis looked in an official statement, knowing that there's a chance you might have to repeat it in court.
The teen that flashed us was eventually caught and a few years later went to prison for rape.
One of my friends was flashed by a delivery driver when he dropped off her parcel, he deliberately moved out of the way of her ring doorbell so he couldn't be filmed. When she slammed the door on him and went back inside, he smiled at her through the window, she said he looked pleased with himself and as though he'd shown her something amazing (he hadn't). She said that even though the police were great, ultimately it came down to her word against his.
Many of my friends have similar stories, whether it's being flashed, a man who's been a bit handsy, being invited to a meeting where they thought there'd be others, only to find out it's a one on one. Inappropriate comments, veiled threats, "I'll ruin your career", one friend was told after her boss didn't get his way, he list goes on.
Please don't think that this is a man bashing blog, because it isn't, women can act just as inappropriately as men and I'm sure that there are things that some of my male friends have been through that I don't know about because they'd dismiss it as "one of those things".
I think I just wanted to open the conversation with both my female, male and non-binary friends, by being more aware of what issues we all face, then maybe slowly we can hold people to account for their actions and go about our business feeling safe.
Comments