If you do the crime, then you've got to do the time and that was exactly how I felt when I walked into my Slimming World class last Friday to face the music for the dreaded post holiday weigh in.
My sister Lucy and I have a tradition, when we get back from holiday, we always have a "yay we are home takeaway curry". It rounds off the holiday for us and then we get straight back on the diet the following day.
This holiday was no different. Once the curry had been consumed and the manky leftovers removed from the fridge and thrown away and we were back in the room.
I went to fetch our shopping which was full of healthy goodness, salads were prepped (free) tins of tuna lined the cupboards (also free), there were seafood sticks aplenty in the fridge (you got it free) and the Babybels glistened in their red waxy coatings (healthy a choice) we were good to go.
We had moved into full damage limitation mode.
Anyone who's ever been to a slimming club will know this method, you spend your holiday week enjoying eating and drinking what you like, making the most of the all inclusive. A mimosa for breakfast, an ice cream mid-morning, a plate of spaghetti, chicken korma, a hamburger, chips and a bit of salad to get some speed food in for lunch. Beers in the afternoon, a snap decision to work your way through the cocktail menu before you go home. A 3 course evening meal, with garlic bread, because holiday syns don't count, wine with dinner, but then continue to work your way through the cocktail menu and a snack before bed.
REPEAT UNTIL IT'S TIME TO GO HOME
On the plane on the way home, you say, "well I wasn't as bad as I could have been", talk about how once you've had your "welcome home curry", you will get straight back on your diet.
You then spend the week doing anything and everything you can to ensure that your first weigh in back isn't as bad as it could be. Ideally you try to achieve the weigh day unicorn of getting on the scales for your post holiday weigh in and having either maintained your pre-holiday weight or you've lost weight!!!
All was going well in the week leading up to our Friday weigh day. We planned meals, we tracked, syns were kept to a minimum. Cups of builders tea were swapped for peppermint and a lot of water was drunk.
The weigh day unicorn was in sight!
Our class is Friday at 5pm and all was well until Friday lunchtime, when all of a sudden the soup we had made for lunch, looked as appealing as a bush tucker challenge of a witchetty grub watched down with a kangroo testicle smoothie.
"Shall we nip to Subway?"
"Yes, lets, we can get a salad there.'
Personally I blame the woman in front of us in the queue, who said that if you downloaded the new app, you got a free 6 inch sub.
At this point, you're probably thinking I am easily led.... and you would be right, I am.
Ten minutes later we were sat with a free 6 inch sub (Lucy had tuna, me chicken) and a packet of prawn cocktail crisps each.
Who on earth eats a sandwich without crisps? We weren't dragged up!
As we wiped away the crumbs, I reasoned that we could just still blame the holiday, Lucy was in full agreement - it wasn't us, it was the jet lag and the holiday!
That evening, even thought we were tempted to sack off the weigh in, we walked in, fully ready to face the music.
Your first weigh in back, you legally have to make it clear that you've been away and make sure that everyone in the near vicinity is aware of this fact. The reason for this is two-fold
If the weigh in is bad, you can legitimately blame the holiday and you aren't just a greedy bitch who's spent the week stuffing her face. Doing it in the sunshine negates the greedy bitch bit.
If by some miracle, you've lost weight AND you've been on holiday, you are the best slimmer of all time and you automatically become a Slimming World urban legend. "My friend knew a woman who went on a cruise, ate and drank what she want and still lost 3 pounds when she got back.'
I however fell into the first category and had put on 4 pounds, but having already announced that I'd been on holiday, mentioned my sunburn and deliberately worn my "I've been to the Bahamas" t-shirt, I had all bases covered.
As I stepped off the scales, I said "phew, that's not as bad as it could have been."
The lady nodded sympathetically and repeated the urban myth about the lady who went on a cruise and came back to class and had put on a stone and a half!
I mean I wasn't that lady!
It's post holiday weigh in number 2 this week. I have already selected my lightest trousers and top to wear, I've increased my exercise. Walking every morning, yoga and aqua zumba classes. My salads have been fresh, my chicken roasted and the skin removed and fed to the dogs and I'm necking 3 litres of water a day as opposed to wine.
If that fails, I'll blame the "baby weight" and by baby I mean dogs, it's the same thing right?
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